Aug. 20th, 2004

girl says;

Aug. 20th, 2004 02:03 pm
spokenjade: (sex in loafers; foreordained)
catching up

Okay. So, for those of you who still aren't aware, our electric/dsl/phone was almost cut off - in fact, the phone and dsl WERE cut off, but the dsl continued to work for some reason...thankfully, they were all paid (by my grandmother, who is not yet aware she's paid the phone and dsl...).

I was so scared, and because I was scared, I was also incredibly bitchy. If the electricity got cut off, my mother had the brilliant idea of staying with her friend Gunilla.

The problem with that is she's the mother of the guy that raped me and then molested me for years. He still lives there. Unfortunately, my mother doesn't quite realize the gravity of what that means. The only reason he never did that again was because I've managed to only see him twice since - once in the grocery store, and once when he brought something over from his mother.

Now, since before I can even remember, my mother has had this iamge that I'm some sort of slut. She's gone so far as to accuse me of sneaking out of the house at night to have sex, and once thought I was pregnant - nevermind that I've never had sex since I was raped. Way to be insensitive Mother...but anyway, now she's gotten it into her head that I wanted it, and she also seems to think she was there, so she "knows" I didn't tell him to stop, and that when I did, he stopped.

I did, and he didn't.

She's had an incredible childhood - and she came close to having several situations I had, but she didn't. So, she seems to think that I could have gotten myself out of it if I wanted. And she thinks we went through the same things...we didn't.

So, yes, the fact that our electric has been paid comforts me to no end, because I could not spend a week with them...

Aside from that, I feel completely overwhelmed by my online responsibilities and my offline responibilities, and the responsibilities I've pledged myself to in the future...I get so overwhelmed it's hard to do anything.

I seriously want to just go to sleep, and never ever wake up.

Unless I have another dream like that earlier one, where I was chatting with [ profile] constantly, and she was pregnant, and close to giving birth. o_o She was asking me about what to name her daughter, and she didn't like any of my suggestions...I told her to wait until the baby was born, and name her then, and she said she wanted to name her Bruise. The kid's last name was Dugg or Duggs...Bruise. WTF. Ria, you're insane. (Then again, it was my dream...)

girl says;

Aug. 20th, 2004 10:05 pm
spokenjade: (Default)

Me: Ooh! New email~ *check*

LiveJournal <> to me
More options 9:44pm (20 minutes ago)

(the following is an anonymous gift)

6 months of paid account time have been added to your LiveJournal account
for user "spokenjade".

Me: ...*SCREAM!*

XD I'm now being yelled at, but I don't caaaareee~ XD Who dunnit~? :o

girl says;

Aug. 20th, 2004 11:46 pm
spokenjade: (michael phelps)

Does my new icon make me obsessive?


But I love him, so it doesn't matter.


spokenjade: (Default)

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